"Sailed not as a seaman, but as a traveler..."

"Sailed not as a seaman, but as a traveler..."- Sir Thomas More's Utopia

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Rhinos, schizophrenic ghosts, and modeling.

Image: Hanging with some family at the 4th largest mall in the world (according to Forbes).

So how do I followup with a three-month hiatus? With a four-month hiatus! That's the secret to success, people. Always outdo yourself. Always.

So, what have I been up to? I haven't done one of these highlights list in a while, so I guess this would be the perfect opportunity. Here goes (in somewhat chronological order):

- As per previous post, I was the editor of a magazine. Which was just... Crazy.

- I was on television and radio. Seriously. I have proof.

- Got into another bar brawl and almost got stranded at the local jail.

- My netbook was stolen by some drug addicts (seriously, unfortunately).

- Was about to get a tattoo of the closing line of Ionesco's Rhinoceros which reads, "Je ne capitule pas!" But as I was about to get prepped, the entire city went into a blackout. Yeah, so I just went out and got drunk instead.

- In a quarter-life crisis induced frenzy, I applied to a grad school in Spain. I think I got in. I might need to brush up on my EspaƱol.

- In the cortisol induced stupor proceeding the aforementioned quarter-life crisis, I turned off all of my electronics and hibernated-slash-meditated for an entire week. Some friends thought I died and in gentlemanly fashion, went to the nearest pub to toast my beautiful life. Live fast. Die young. Cheers!

- After hearing about their awesome night at the pub, I wrote a story about a guy who fakes his own death just to see who goes to his funeral but then, gasp, it turns out he really is dead and is just a ghost with schizophrenic tendencies! Then I slapped myself for making up such garbage.

- My mother came to the islands to try to bring me back to America. I said no. She gave me an iPad. It was an interesting exchange.

- I discovered twitter and now my insomnia is worse.

- I grew a tail.

- Previously mentioned friends (who toasted my assumed death) decided to throw me a birthday bash. I was a total ass and didn't show up. My neuroses don't allow me the luxury of friends. Apparently.

- Bumped into some folk I met last year on a boat headed for Bali. Small world.

- Discovered Hipsterville, Philippines. It's like Brooklyn but in a jungle.

- Went to a party on a farm on a mountain. It was hot and sticky and I got diarrhea.

- Went on a road trip to Vigan and discovered a 300 year old mansion that's been beautifully restored and is now a luxury hotel. My travel companion and I were asked to model for their promotion materials (I'll post the shots as soon as I get them, maybe). They paid us in wine.

- Currently planning my escape from this archipelago to search for some adventures in Australia. Also, koalas.

One of the highlights above is complete fiction. I mean, SRSLY guys, I'm crazy but not crazy crazy. Have fun guessing which item is made up!


  1. I don't believe you've been to that mall. THat photo is faked.

    Damn, you live a crraaazzy life, yo... What's that quote mean?

    1. Photo is legit. How dare you question my journalistic integrity.

      The quote is French for, "I do not give in!" The play itself is about how everyone turns into rhinos. The quote is the very last line of the play where there's only one man left standing against a city of rhinos. It's pretty awesome.